A Small Umbrella

In these times, I feel like everything is getting easier. Easy to like things, easy to hate things, and even so easy to fall. Falling in love? I wish. But what I get is just falling behind, feeling left by everyone. So I line myself up, at least equal with most people, expecting things to become less hard to reach. But why is all I see just fog? There are so many shades of grey and then, suddenly, it rains.

Not long after, one by one, people begin to move, some with their own shelter. Some don’t even hesitate, without fear of getting drenched. Why do they seem so alright? while someone like me still figured out how to loosen the ropes on my feet?

I’m searching, waiting, fewer and fewer. I’m being left behind. I’m becoming alone. Someone reaches out to me, saying, “Why are you so distant? Isn’t it warmer here, with so many things surrounding you?”

Oh, so here's how it is. I am alone because I am carrying an umbrella. A small umbrella that hides me from connecting. Blocks my view from looking around, from looking ahead. A small umbrella that isolates me, making me keep looking down, which now feels like a bond. Out there, there are many people. Many have large umbrellas, at least enough for two people or even cars, so I don't have to walk anymore and get rained on.

Here’s how it is. What keeps me behind is myself. The ego that doesn't need connection. The ego that thinks everything will be achieved by wrestling with one's own thoughts. The ego that keeps saying, "everything is easier to do by ourselves”. Yes, you may got the point but be prepared to get sucked into it. The common saying, “Sharing is caring”. It’s not about who got the first place. What the point of accomplishment when heart doesn't fulfill? When heart still feel empty. Look around, look besides. Cherished, talking, laughing, connecting, that’s how a soul becomes a human being. That’s how the soul warming up, gets their spark.