Dear Him,

An Asian girl with strict parents, an Asian girl that is an academic achiever, an Asian girl that always abides to her parents, an Asian girl with a structured mind and life. You came.

2022, grade 8. In that year Covid was still thriving, and the school was still operating online. As someone who is a transferee, I feel like an outsider. Knowing no-one in the school, and as someone who always has social anxiety makes me not know anyone at all until the last moment of grade 8.

Near the end of the year means the school is preparing for the 9th graders graduation event. The worship team was made of the 8th graders, the team was almost complete. A bassist, a guitarist, a pianist, and most importantly the singers. Unfortunately the team was in need of one more singer. No one came to apply, when suddenly my homeroom teacher rang up my number and asked me to join. Thinking that by joining I might gain some new friends or acquaintances, I agreed.

The first meet up was only the worship team. I introduced myself to them, and they also did the same, we became acquaintances. Every rehearsal went smoothly. There it comes, the real rehearsal. There not only the worship team was present but the MC, the organizer, and the other students that helped with the event also came.

It was our first meeting. I don’t know you, you don’t know me. We were two living beings that are living in different worlds. I someone who hides myself from society and you are someone who is shining brightly talking to everyone looking very radiant. We both were to complete strangers, not until you reached out to me first and started talking to me.

A voice that I never heard of before called out to me, sounding deep and kind, that tells people he has reached puberty just fine. A voice that caught my attention. A voice that made me can’t take my eyes off you everywhere you go, noticing every move that you do. A voice that made my heart go wild. A voice that made me fall in love with you. His voice.

Moments pass, Covid finally resides, school starts operating normally again. Offline activities became active again. There I met you again. We never talked and crossed paths. Not until you reached out to me again. You take the initiative to follow my social media first. You’re the one who texted me first, the one who started our conversations, it was all you.

Small talks in school started happening. I noticed that every time we talk you always have that smile on your face, that smile is so pretty that every time I see it, my cheeks feel hot, my stomach feels there is something tickling it, and my heart feels like it is bursting.

But happy moments don't always come at your own will. As months passed by I felt like we were just someone who only knew each other by names. My heart is suffocating every time you got close with another girl and you both talk freely, knowing that it will never happen with me. I mean who am I? I was just your acquaintance. An admirer that you’ll never know. Knowing you won’t feel the same, knowing you’ll definitely turn me down. I decided to only keep this feeling of mine to myself.

To you, who always talks with a smile on your face while talking to me. To you who is always carefree about your surroundings. To you who always looks so cool while playing basketball. To you who reach out to me first. And to you, the first ever person to make me feel like this.

Dear Him, I thank you from the deepest part of my heart.