Is it funny or is it actually derogatory?
“She is being extra difficult today, I don’t understand.”
“Dude, she is ALWAYS difficult. Don’t you know why?”
“Why??”
“Because she’s a spinster!”
“Oh! That checks out!”
“How could you eat so much? Aren’t you worried? It’ll be hard to find a wedding dress that’ll fit that body of yours!”
*Giggled* *Touching my wrist* “Look at the size of this thing!” *Giggled some more*
Have you ever found yourselves in a situation as above? How would you respond to them if you have? Would you think what they said is funny? Or is it actually, really derogatory?
What is the meaning of derogatory? Derogatory is an adjective which means expressing a low opinion, a lack of respect, or criticism. It describes language, remarks, or behavior intended to belittle, insult, or reduce the reputation and worth of a person or thing. In conclusion, derogatory is frequently used to describe offensive language or remarks that demean someone. The most classic examples are racial and sexist slurs. Sometimes (or most of the time, really) when someone calls out the perpetrator, giving them the chance to process what they just did or said, they’ll simply say that the victim was an oversensitive person and can’t take a damn joke. Baper or bawa perasaan is Indonesian’s beloved term for it. You could always challenge them, you could ask them to repeat what they just said, in hopes that they will come to their senses (if they still have some) and register their own disgusting behaviour. Another option is that you could be silent and not laugh with them, in order to prove a point. The bravest thing you could do is to confront them, straight to the point and telling them that whatever they’re saying or doing is not okay. Unfortunately, these situations are oftentimes too hard and too unpredictable, in a sense that we would never know what will happen if we challenge their behaviour and call them out. Many victims were fired from their jobs because they stood up for themselves. There are also infinite cases where the situation escalated into something far worse than a few slurs.
Have you ever walked on the street and not gotten catcalled? It’s like everyone’s dreams, right? Strangers would yell “Hey, beautiful!” or “Can I get your number?” and if the victim did not give any response, they’d get mad and called the victim a bitch. Worse, I’ve been there before, I was still in middle school, I kept my mouth shut and this stranger in his motorcycle started following me. Sure, what he’s yelling may not seem derogatory, but it was downright predatory. When it happens in an open space setting, ignoring these bozos will probably be a bit easier. There is no guarantee that people who witnessed the situation will go out of their way to help, but not being in a closed place kind of reduces the anxiety for me. However, what if you happen to work with and for these kinds of people? It’s no secret that a workplace is often the breeding place of derogatory comments. While comments may not sound harmful, we need to acknowledge and assume that a racial or sexist slur could very well turn into a more dangerous thing. In 2024, CATAHU or Catatan Tahunan Kekerasan terhadap Perempuan recorded 2.702 cases of violence against women at the workplace. They also revealed that 1 in 23 women got sexually harassed at work.
In March this year, Netflix released a very important and terrifying documentary titled: Louis Theroux: Inside the Manosphere. At the very beginning of the documentary, one man called his girlfriend a “dishwasher”, to which her only response was a giggle. The things these people said in front of the camera are atrocious. For context, here’s one of them:
“If you’re a fat woman, you’re effectively useless in life. You’re huge, not attractive. For you to behave the way that you do is a fucking embarrassment to society.”
“Everything about female nature is a lie. They wear makeup. You don’t know when they’re on their period. They don ’t really show attention to you.”
That was Myron Gaines, he is (in)famous for his controversial views on traditional dating and gender dynamics. When Louis asked if he’s a misogynist, Myron replied, “No, I love women, and actually understand them. So, since I understand them, I know what’s best for them.” And shortly after that response, he casually mentioned that he wanted to have multiple wives. At that point in the documentary, Myron has one girlfriend, but when the credits rolled, it was said that the girlfriend broke up with him. In my opinion, that was the only good thing that came out from the documentary, because the rest of it is simply too horrifying to digest.
Please also note that sexual harassment did not exclusively target women, even though the scale would probably never be the same, men can be a victim too. For example, my former employer berated a male colleague a handful of times. He called him a womanizer and loved to flirt with women in the office. That very same man had a one-on-one meeting with me and proudly stated that he used to have so many beautiful girlfriends, before deciding to settle down with his wife. So, who’s the womanizer here? Not only that, in a department meeting, he berated me for not being able to “use my gender to full potential” in order to generate sales. He said and I quote, “They’re all men and you’re a woman, you should be able to coax them into buying our products.” Was this him trying to motivate me, or was it a derogatory comment, or borderline sexual harassment? You decide.
At the end of the day, whether you want to call it a stupid harmless comment or whatever, but, calling someone names, degrading them, judging them by their appearances is not and never will be okay. It is genuinely incomprehensible how some people can be so vile and evil. Because, what do you mean you can casually call people fat bitches? How can you call someone r*tarded? There is nothing funny about it. People are people, they are not a laughing stock. If you want real laughing material, turn on the news. The so-called elites are being real cute and funny right now. Let’s be decent human beings, look at the big picture, channel our attention and energy towards what really happened in real time instead, shall we?